Divorce & Break-up

Team Ayu message from earlier this month...

To my overseas fans,

I wish to inform you theat i, ayumi hamasaki, instructes my lawyer to file for divorce on my behalf in the united states today.

At the time of our marriage, my husband and I decided to live in the united states. However, approximatetely two months later eastern japan was struck by a huge earthquake. As a result of this tragedy, I felt an overwhelming need to stay in my home county, and was forced to leave my husband alone for a long time.

My husband and I have made every effort to reach a compromise;

However, as time has passed we have grown apart. I no longer feel the same desire to move to the united states. Instead I feel that I must ask myself what I can continue to do for my country, here in japan. This has eclipsed the future I had originally envisaged with my husband, and it is for this reason that I have made this difficult decision.

It was with a grateful, but heavy heart that I read all the messages I received form my fans and the press congratulating me on my 1st wedding anniversary at the beginning of this month. It was then that I realized I had to face up to the inevitable truth that I had been avoiding.

At present, my husband is in los angeles pursuing his career as an actor in Hollywood. I would ask that my fans to respect his privacy and refrain from sending him messages or contacting him to ask for comement.

Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.

Ayumi Hamasaki

I was shocked. In disbelief. Sad. Confused.

I rooted for Ayu and Mannie for all of 2011, I was so happy for her, for them...

Yet little did I know or think, that two weeks later (after Ayu's message), I would be going through my very own break-up. I don't speak of my personal life very much on this blog, but to me this is sort of a lifestyle blog: life + style. Life. Much less style these days...

Not to make up excuses, but yes, I guess it is an excuse now. But this is why I've been away. Break-up with D.

Many things were not right for quite some time, there was a constant back and forth, no consistancy and it eventually pushed me to sit on the edge of the bridge (or on top of the fence if you want to be less dramatic) for a while.

There came a time I had to take a decision for myself, not for D., not for my friends or family, for me. Yes, I took the decision. Just like Ayu did. When I read her message, I didn't understand. But now I do.

As much as you might care for someone, it's important to take a decision for yourself, not to please others, not to spare the other their feelings. It might hurt for a while, but time heals all wounds and I'm glad I took my decision, I firmly believe now that it was the right thing to do.

I'm writing all of this in hopes that this might help someone else eventually.

It's OK, to take a decision for yourself. Just like it's OK to "ride the wave", "go with the flow" or "sit on the fence" for a while, as you think towards a decision.

No one pushed me to take this decision, in fact, I was very fortunate to be surrounded by such respectful people, that did not push me into thinking things or taking a decision I might regret.

If you don't know, then just let it go for a little while, and it will come to you eventually. Believe, and it will.

With every break-up I've taken the opportunity to change things in my life, I think many people do.

My 1st break-up, I changed everything. Moved out of town, new apartment, new job, new life. Previous break-up, didn't change job, didn't move, but I got a brand new car and I made new friends. Now this time around...

Well I started with a new hair color.

From my natural dark brown to a rich, more intense dark red. What do you think?

Next, I'm working on re-decorating my whole bedroom. Can't afford to re-decorate the whole house, but I spend a lot of time in my room, so I'm re-decorating it all. Can't change the layout of it, and I like my furniture, but I'll be changing bed sheets, lamps, curtains and probably wall color too.

Look forward to seeing pictures and reports on the whole re-decorating adventure. I've lived in this house for 4 years now and haven't re-decorated since. I think this will be a nice change, for a while anyway.

If I'm lucky... possibly a new layout for this gold old blog too. :)

Did you make any changes after your last break-up? If so, what did you change?

Splish-Splash Pool Time

I try to visit my dad once every 2 or 3 weeks but sometimes plans don't go accordingly. In the summer though, I find myself hanging at his place more often because he has a pool, a big back yard with a deck, a BBQ and always cooks a delicious dinner!

Recently I managed to convince D. to go out there for a swim and chill during a hot afternoon (he's not big on swimming pools, he likes the lake better), which went like this in no particular order...

Pool time!

And a bird!
(My dad & his girlfriend adopted a bird from a family who couldn't take care of him anymore)

More pool time!

And a dog!
(My old pup named Nicky, I had to leave him with my dad when I moved out.)

Even more pool time!

Ending the day with curly frizzy hair!

This is what it looks like naturally ladies and gentlemen.
Yes, it's quite a mess.
(Exactly why I straighten my hair every day! XD)

How have you been enjoying your summer so far? Do you let your hair go natural in the summer season?

Something new

I don't like to talk about my personal life too much online, but I feel it's inevitable to mention that I'm currently going through a break-up. (I'm not looking for sympathy, or suggestions, or advices.) It's something very hard, possibly the hardest one I've had so far. In the end, I think in life certain things happen for a reason, and I hope this just means something good will come out of this whole thing eventually. Yes, I'm heart broken, yes I'm sad and I'm crying. But as everyone already knows, time heals all wounds. I'll be ok.

With every break-up, I often see it as a new start, a new beginning. A time for you (well, me in this case) to figure out what you're doing in life, what you want, where you are going, etc. A chance to make some changes and start fresh.

A lot of my girl friends start the healing process, with some of sort of make-over. Have any of you girls done that?

I haven't died or cut my hair in 5 months. I haven't cut it because I want it to grow very long, at least down to the middle of my back when straightened. I used to color my hair every 4 to 6 weeks. It was black, dark red, had high lights, lighter brown, etc. But I figured I'd give it a break for a little while because the color wasn't taking in very well anymore.

But the past week or two, even before I knew the break-up was to happen, I'd been thinking of doing something different with my hair. This is when I saw Yuma's hair on her blog (http://ameblo.jp/yuma-takahashi/) :

I don't want to go as far as going blonde, I like being a brunette. Besides, I don't think I have the face that'd go well with being blonde anyway. But I love the concept/idea! What I was thinking, would be to keep this current colour that I have, which is a mix of dark brown and lighter brown, and get the same thing as Yuma, done to my hair, but instead of blonde, it would be black

What do you think? Do you think it would turn out weird? Or it wouldn't show as much because my hair's already dark and the black might not come out well?

Another thing I was thinking of was... extensions! Since it takes so long for my hair to grow, I could get some extensions done! It's super popular in Japan and I like the idea of having long hair instantly. The only problem with this idea is that in Canada, it's twice or three times more expensive than it is in Japan.

Anyone in the Ottawa area knows a place that does extensions and isn't too expensive?

Well, they are just ideas in the air for now~